bugs and laundry

Thanks for you comments yesterday ladies. I have found so much inspiration in your words on your own blogs and all I do these days is whine. What must you all think of me!

I'm trying to stay positive but it's so damn hard! Every day rejection after rejection after rejection. Every day I get to see the look of disappointment in my boys faces when they want to do something or go somewhere but are afraid to ask because they know what the answer will be. I feel like I've ruined their lives.

I know the economy is in the tank and things are hard for everyone but people ARE getting jobs! 100's of them are posted online every day and I've been passed up for all of them. I'd planned on going back to school, I researched online universities to death and I'd finally settled on one but was turned down for financial aid. Rejected by employers. Rejected by colleges. Rejected by what I thought was a great guy. I'm even rejected by a piece of shit guy! I look in the mirror and see a big FAT ugly failure. My weight is back up to 223. I'm losing the same 5 pounds over and over. Apparently I cant even do that right. I just dont know how much more I can take.

Oh look! MORE whining. Just what you wanted to see huh? lol

OK so on to hopefully better stuff. We did laundry yesterday. I was in my room about to start putting my clothes away and a centipede the size of a schnauzer ran under my bed. I ran screaming out of them like a little girl! I've been afraid to go in there ever since. I even slept on the couch. What if that thing is in there waiting for me to come in? What if it's crawled up inside my box spring and is in my bed? Or crawls up on my sheets while I'm sleeping? OMG what if it's made a new home in my laundry bag with my clean clothes!??!! I'm So totally screwed.