nervous

I have a job interview today at 1:30. A recruiter called me the other day, she'd found my resume online and wanted to talk. Apparently this is a standard 250 user Windows environment. They have one IT guy who is having a problem keeping up with his job. The recruiter seems to think this guy just has a problem with time management. I have to agree. I single handedly supported 400 users. I was the only person in our IT department. I did it all. Server maintenence, backups, upgrades. User support. I managed all of the companies telecommunications devices from Blackberrys to cordless wall phones. I handled the alarm companys, phone companys, Software/Hardware vendors, internet connections/firewall/routers in 2 corporate offices and over 100 stores. I was the level 1, 2 and 3 IT girl. If it broke, I had to fix it - no matter what it was- because I was the only one there. Anyway, this is the same sort of job except there'd be two of us.

What scares me the most about this interview is that it's in New York. NYC is an easy commute for normal people but I'm not normal. To get to this job I'd have to walk 5 blocks to the bus. Take that bus to another bus and that bus into Port Authority. From Port Authority I have to walk a block to the E train then walk 2 more blocks once I get off. Thats a LOT of walking for someone like me. I'm thinking I can ask my mother or son to drive me to bus #2 so that I dont have to walk that 5 blocks OR I could drive to it and park my car on a side street somewhere close to the bus stop.

I know that I can handle this job. I'm just not sure I can handle the commute.

Wish me luck! I have to get ready.



edit.... ohhh. I just read an article on what larger women should wear for job interviews. http://www.ehow.com/how_4515800_dress-job-interview-plussized-woman.html

says here:

Select the right pair of shoes. Never wear an open toed-shoe to a job interview. Even designer sandals are off limits and will look frivolous. The shoes should be high quality leather and should have some heel but not too much. One or two inch heels are fine and will help you feel more grounded when you strut across the room. Flats are not appropriate for an interview.

I cant wear heels... like ever. I have a doctors note! (lol I really do!) I bought a pair of Sketcher platform clogs a few months ago. They were so pretty I had to have them. I was able to wear them for 5 minutes before the pain in my back was so bad that I was crying. Should I mention my shoes? I mean, if you're not supposed to wear them somebody will probably notice that I am wearing them right? Maybe that's why I havent gotten any of these other jobs. My shoes are all wrong. I wish a was a man. They're allowed to wear flats and their wardrobe choices are so much simpler :(

OK, I'm rambling. Cant put this off any longer. It's time to go.

blah

Same shit, different day. No resume responses, no phone calls. I’m starting to worry. I have 4 months of unemployment left and I’m not even getting called back. Whats going to happen to us if I dont find a job? I am the only paycheck coming in the house. Even if I filed for bankruptcy to get rid of the credit cards and car payment I’d still have to pay 1200.00 for rent and other bills and food and I wouldnt even have a car to get around in. My middle boy gets his license next week. I’m terrified to see what thats going to turn my car insurance bill into, it’s already almost 200 a month with just me on the policy. I cant just take any job, I have to earn at least 45k to pay these bills by myself and that’s bare minimum.

My oldest helps as much as he can but he cant find a job either. He’s been delivering pizza since he got laid off (he worked at the same place that I did in one of the stores). He’s barely making enough to cover his car payment and insurance. His dreams of law enforcement have been squashed, he doesnt even know what else he wants to do. I keep hoping he’ll go to college but he doesnt know what he’d study. I swear, I wish there wasnt a war on. I’d suggest he go into the military. It’s a great place to jump start your life and career, but I’m not suggesting that to him now. Call me selfish but people are dieing over there. Dont get me wrong, if he came to me tonight and said thats what he really wanted to do I wouldnt talk him out of it but I’m not going to be the one to bring it up.

So yeah. I’m worrying.

rain, rain go away

We have had almost 2 full weeks of rain and because of it I have been an absolute bitch. We all know that I have major back problems. We also know that I have osteoarthritis in my back. All the rain we have had I think the hardware in my back is rusting, sometimes I think I can actually hear it squeak when I move. The pain has been outrageous. Most days I havent even been able to get out of bed. Needless to say my diet has tanked :( When I last posted I weighed 223. Today I stepped on the scale and it said 228. I'm back on daily pain medicine which has made me swell up like a hot air balloon. I can barely sit up so we know I cant exercise. I also cant cook. We're been existing on pizza and microwaveable frozen trash with sodium counts so high it makes my head spin.

My mother has been here almost every day to help out. I love her to death but she makes me crazy. My mom treats every illness or pain with cake or muffins or big macs & french fries. I dont buy the stuff but she does. Since she's been here there is always some kind of junk in the house and my willpower is medicated and non-existant. Not good!

About the only thing I have managed to do over these past 2 weeks is search jobs on the laptop. I send out on average 2 resumes a day. Havent gotten a single call back.

14 years finally showed up with some child support the other night. He got here at 11:00 at night & wanted to see his son. I told him he has school the next day but gave him 5 minutes. After all, he hadnt seen the kid in over 2 weeks (what a great father) Our son went to bed and he sat on the edge of my bed watching the tv show that I had on. I had been watching that show on Discovery "How the Earth was made". He watched a few minutes of it, got up and told me I was stupid for watching stuff like that. "Isnt there a movie or something on?". So he leaves. Not 5 minutes later he's on the phone screaming at me because "my boyfriend was downstairs waiting for him to leave". I've mentioned that I live in a 6 family house havent I? There are 5 other families here in this building with me. 4 of them are wonderful and we have a real family atmosphere, until the people moved into apt 2 we didnt even lock our doors. The guy in apartment 1 is in his mid-30's. He's a single father with custody of all 4 of his kids. He spends a lot of time on the porch smoking. Apparently he was out there when the piece of shit left. Being the class A asshole that he is, he assumed this guy was out there waiting for him to leave so he could come up here. He and I have been broken up for 7 months yet he still feels he needs to yell at me for stuff like that. He bitches if I dont call him every day. When he calls me and I'm out he demands to know where I am, who I'm with and what I'm doing. When I dont answer he leaves the nastiest voicemail messages. One night I was out with a friend and he called. I knew what I'd be in for if I answered so I didnt, I sent the call to voicemail. Later that night I played the message. He cursed me out in 2 languages. "What kind of mother goes out, leaves her kids alone and doesnt answer the *#&$#*& phone" "First of all, my children arent babies, 2 are teenagers and one is a full grown adult. Second of all, I answered the phone for my kids. I just didnt answer for YOU!" That's the kind of stuff he's been putting me through and yesterday my last straw broke. I set new boundaries.

I have tried to keep a civil relationship with this caveman for the sake of our son. But I've let him yell, scream, accuse and beat me down for the last time. Yesterday I told him that he is no longer allowed to curse at me. He is no longer allowed to accuse me of anything. What I do or dont do is no longer any of his business. I will not be calling him every day unless there is a problem with Jr. Our son has a cell phone, if he wants to speak to him he needs to call that number and not my home number any more. I expect him to be here on Mondays with his child support (the FULL amount.. not bits and pieces like he has been giving me). For 6 months I have tried to be civil. I dont know what made me think Neanderthals were capable of civility. Sometimes I wish they'd revoke his Visa and deport him back to his mother country. He hates this country anyway. For 14 years all I heard was how how messed up America was and how wonderful Italy is. GO BACK THERE!!! Please let him go back there before I kill him! I wonder if chronic pain can be used as a legal defense

So that's where I've been for these past few weeks. In bed, in pain... fighting off my mothers greasy, fried food intentions, dealing with an ex and getting rejected on a daily basis by job postings. I've not been a happy person.

Thank you ladies who have sent me messages. I'm sorry that I disappeared without a word. You're all amazing women and I'm so blessed to have met you in the weird way we've all become friends :) I've thought about you often. I've wondered how your lives are, how your kids are, if your homes or books sold. I just didnt have the physical strength to sit up long enough to say hi.

Oh hey! Guess what? It's going to rain all week again!! /cry

ouch!

Everything hurts and I mean everything. We went to Costcos, then to Foreman Mills then Target. And about an hour after I got home I went for a walk with my neighbor around the block. Well.... almost all around. I had to call for a ride home halfway, I couldnt take another step. I hurt so much my heart rate went from 87 resting to 118 just walking my neighbors son across the hallway to his apartment. My son and I are now on the couch watching Al Pacino movies. I LOVE HIM!! First we watched the end of Scarface, now we're watching Righteous Kill.

Today is the kind of day that I wish that I had a pedometer. I dont know how much I walked but I burned more calories today than I ever have with normal exercise.

total calories today: 1099

total calories burned: 3342

total carbs: 111

total fat: 35

total protein: 46

a little Friday funny

(Something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade.)

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who said, "Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome . How are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. Where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste." "Don't go any further" she said. "I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people are trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

"It was wonderful," said the woman, "Not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, so they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. The hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5-million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel -- the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky. As we toured the Vatican , a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said, "Who fucked up your hair?"

what a way to go

I just read that David Carradine died. I loved him in the Kill Bill movies :( The article is here and it says the cause of his death was either an accident, suicide or a sex game gone bad. He was found naked in a closet in a Bangkok hotel on Thursday with cords around his neck and his genitals. Somehow I doubt it was suicide, I'm thinking there are much easier and much less embarrassing ways to do yourself in. Wow. My heart goes out to his family.

8:30pm... Dinner was outrageous! I made a recipe for chicken that I got from a sparkpeople email. OMG it was so good!!

Sticky Chicken

Ingredients:

· 1 teaspoon salt

· 1 teaspoon white pepper

· 2 teaspoons paprika

· 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper

· 1 teaspoon onion powder

· 1 teaspoon thyme

· 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

· 1/2 teaspoon black pepper

· 1 large roasting chicken (3-4 lbs.)

· 1 cup chopped onion

1. In a small bowl, thoroughly combine all the spices. Remove giblets from chicken, clean the cavity well and pat dry with paper towels. Rub the spice mixture into the chicken, both inside and out, making sure it is evenly distributed and down deep into the skin. Place in a resealable plastic bag, seal and refrigerate overnight.

2. When ready to roast chicken, stuff cavity with onions, and place in a shallow baking pan. Roast, uncovered, at 250 F for 5 hours. After the first hour, baste the chicken occasionally (every half hour or so) with pan juices. The pan juice will start to caramelize on the bottom of the pan and the chicken will turn golden brown. If the chicken contains a pop-up thermometer, ignore it. Let chicken rest about 10 minutes before carving.

Makes 4 servings.

I couldnt work out today. It was another of those cold, rainy days that I cant move on. But I did manage to go shopping. My mother called, she and my brother were going to Kohls (he needs shorts for their vacation) so I went along for the ride. My brother headed for the mens department and I made a bee-line for my favorite section.... THE CLEARANCE ISLE. I bought 4 pair of jeans, 2 white tops and a pair of sandals for 62.00 (I sold one of my spare computers so I had some extra money). I havent worn jeans in years and have been desperate to get a few pair. And the best part? I'm 2 sizes smaller than I used to be :)

Of course that little shopping trip ruined my day. I spent the rest of the day on the couch, staring at the dog hair on the carpet and the dust on the tv. I couldnt do anything about it. It's taken me years to learn this next little lesson... the mess will be there tomorrow and, hopefully, tomorrow I'll feel well enough to do it

total calories today: 1448

total calories burned: 1812

total carbs: 201

total fat: 35

total protein: 82

(sorry Sunny, the only way to fix this was to delete and start over so I lost your comment... stupid web designers and their bad table formatting!)

oh and Bee? Nope, havent heard from the job from the other day. I kind of didnt expect to from the way they handled themselves. Shame on them.

ohhh!! check out this handy little tip (I love stuff like this)

http://www.familyhack.com/2007/08/29/drain-tip/

no more Howard Stern hair

Last night I dyed my hair. Now realize something, I've been dying my hair for so long that I dont even remember what my natural color is :) I've been doing brown for months. Yesterday I got tired of it so I bought a box of super light blonde. You know how the boxes all say "if your hair color is this... you will get this". I'm here to tell you that THEY LIE! The box said that if your hair is medium brown you will end up with a medium blonde (the box said ultra light blonde). Well!! lol My hair was 4 different colors. The roots were so blonde they were white. The ends were this brownish, yellowy color. There was a little bit of medium blonde but mostly it was red.

So I'm talking to my friend this morning and I tell her what I did to myself last night. She says to come to her salon and she'd fix it for me. 3 hours later I looked like this

(sorry for the bad picture... I HATE pictures) I normally have very curly, frizzy, Howard Stern looking hair. She cut it, dyed it, put highlights then blow dried it straight. I look almost good! lol I just hope that I can fix it the way that she did tomorrow. You know what else I noticed? My face is much thinner than it was almost a year ago on my drivers license picture. Thats right ladies.... I stepped on the scale today and it said 224!!!! I cannot believe how long it's taken me to lose those few pounds. I know, I know... slow and steady wins the race but sometimes I wish this race had a quicker pace.

total calories today: 1233

total calories burned: 2483

total carbs: 100

total fat: 72 (+)

total protein: 47 (-)

interview

I went for that interview today. I'm not sure how it went since I never saw the guy that I was supposed to meet with. I got there at exactly 2:00. I was wandering around the hallways trying to find the right office door to open and this girl walked past. She asked what I was looking for so I told her. She walked me to the door then asked who I was there to see. When I told her that I was there to see Steve she said that he's her boss and she took me to another door. A few minutes later someone named Fred came out. Steve's busy but asked him to speak to me. He took me into the server room for my interview (he said it was the only empty room they had at the moment). OK, fine. I dont know how many of you have ever been in a computer server room but it's cold and loud, it made the whole thing very uncomfortable. So I talk to Fred for a while. He tells me what the company does, asks if I've had experience tracking down hacking attempts & dos attacks... yes I have. Then he goes to get Steve. In walks the girl who showed me to the door. She says that Steve is still busy so she was sent in to talk to me. She begins to tell me about the work environment, how people are promoted from *the desk*, how the last 2 people who had the job didnt work out. She asks me a couple of "what would you do it" questions and leaves to get Steve. Here comes yet another guy who isnt Steve. He's asking me all these questions about MS Exchange. I answer his questions but am very confused. The girl told me that Exchange was a very minor part of the job yet this guys questions are all about it. Not that I cared, I can administer Exchange in my sleep. But it was still odd. He goes off to get Steve. He comes back and says that Steve is in a vendor meeting and will have to reschedule. I dont know, maybe I'm too sensitive but I found that to be incredibly rude.

Anyway, I didnt track my food today. I was too stressed to eat. My new blackberry sort of blew up, I had to fix that. Then I had the interview. I got home from the interview at 4 then remembered that the rabbit needed food. So I had to go back out and get that. When we got home I was in so much pain that I went straight to the couch. Son #2 bbq'd chicken. I had one piece of chicken and went to bed with my laptop. All that I had to eat all day was a piece of chicken and a hand full of Mike & Ike candys (stolen from son #3 :D)

I completed my first day of the 30 Day Challenge on my EA Active. I'm using it with my Wii Fit but you dont have to. It made me run 3 times, box 3 times, inline skate, arm curls and rows and side lunges. I was sweating like it was 100 degrees lol Now, 8 hours later I can barely move. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I HATE that I have to be careful. Sometimes I just want to do it all like normal people do. Then I remember that I'm damaged and will probably never be normal again. But that's ok. I get the good parking spots at the mall :D The little bit that I am able to do is enough for now.

I went shopping today. Son #3 needed a new headset for his computer so I took him to Target to get one. They had bathing suits on sale. 40% off! My suits from last year are a 20. I've already lost 17 pounds so I got a 16. I figure they're stretchy so it should fit. It's the skirt kind, pretty blue with gold highlights. I also got a blue coverup. Boy do I need a coverup! lol I was teasing my son by telling him I was going to get a string bikini. Even when I was a size 7 I never had the courage to wear a bikini. Sometimes I wish that I had that kind of confidence but I never have. I dont expect that will change even after I've reached my goal. I saw on Sunnys blog that she's buying herself a really pretty bracelet as a reward for losing 20 pounds. If she doesnt mind I think I'm going to borrow that idea.

I have a job interview on Tuesday. The recruiter called me today and we set it up. The job is a little farther away than I'd like but the pay is right. And I think I like the hours (as weird as they are). 7am to 7pm on Sunday. 7am - 2pm Monday & Tuesday and 2pm to 1am on Wednesday. I'd have Thursday, Friday and Saturday off. I like the idea of 3 days off and I dont think the distance thing will be an issue. Normally I wouldnt have considered a job 40 mintues away from home because that 40 minutes becomes almost an hour and a half when you factor in traffic. I cant sit for more than half an hour at a time, my back starts to cramp up and the pain is outrageous! But with having to be there at 7, there wont be any traffic. I'm not getting my hopes up. We'll see what happens.

I'm still not getting emails from this site. I dont know what the problem is but I dont. I used to, but I dont anymore. I think I'll email a moderator. Could be something needs resetting.

And I just ask one more thing? Whats with the 8:00 eating?!?!? I havent had an appetite all day long. What little I did eat I forced myself to eat. But come 8:00 and I cant stop thinking about food. What the hell is that about!?!!? lol

Nite Chickies :)

total calories today: 837

total calories burned: 2852

total carbs: 104

total fat: 32

total protein: 33