waiting on my world to change

Have you ever wanted to get out a pencil and paper and try to do the math on exactly how much of our lives is spent waiting? Waiting for someone to come home, waiting in line at the grocery store, waiting for a phone call, my God we even have to wait on line to use the ladies room! It feels like half my life has been spent waiting.

This week was no exception.

I had another fabulous interview on Wednesday. This is a job that is 100% computer free (other than personal usage). It'd be the job of my dreams if I got it. I left there feeling like I'd nailed it. Their IT guy is retiring in April. They asked if I'd mind picking up some of his responsibilities once he's gone. Of course I wouldnt. Now I'm just waiting on them to call. I'm praying that they will but there's that nagging voice in the back of my head screaming at me "they're not calling... you're not good enough". I hate that voice. The only way to shut it up is to feed it chocolate. or cheesecake. or chocolate cheesecake.

Maybe they'll call tomorrow.

illegal wax?

OK first of all, let me apologize for 6 new posts in one day. Apparently, I'm blonder than I thought. I'm making all these new posts and hitting save and thinking everything is just peachy. They today I realized that I'm saving them alright... AS UNPUBLISHED POSTS! See that drop down on the right? Yeah... I was forgetting to change it from unpublished to published!



Ever since I posted a thread about my kids on 3FC and that nutjob accused me of really wanting them dead I just troll the boards over there, I dont post or respond to anything. I like to read one of the subforums called Looking Good, Feeling Great. There's a thread over there about sugaring and brazilian bikini waxes. Now I'll admit this thought has always intrigued me. I have never done it (14 years hated the thought) but since he and I arent together anymore I've been thinking about it. I dont know if I could ever go through with it but the thought has crossed my mind more than once.

So today, after reading this thread, I did a google search to see if there was a place around my town (not IN my town, but close to it) that does this, how much it would cost.. stuff like that. I found THIS article on Philly.com. The entire article can be summed up in these two paragraphs

The painful Brazilian wax and its intimate derivatives are in danger of being stripped from salon and spa menus if a recent proposal to ban genital waxing is passed by the state's Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling.

New Jersey statutes allow waxing of the face, neck, arms, legs and abdomen, but officials say that genital waxing has always been illegal, although not spelled out.

For real? THIS is on top of their list of things to regulate?

In other news, I sent out 3 resumes on Saturday, maybe I'll get a callback this week.

I went out with the hotdog guy again yesterday. It kept nagging at me, what if my friend Kevin was right and I'm being too hard on the guy? So I gave him another chance. We went to Applebees for lunch. Yes he paid. He also had this weird scent. It turned my stomach a little. I dont know... maybe I'm making excuses because he's not HIM but this guy and I aren't clicking. He calls all the time, talks about how much he misses me. I'm just like "yeah... thats nice, can I go back to my movie now?" I'm really just not interested in this guy. He's nice enough but there's nothing there. I just dont know how to tell him.

Oh! hot sexy latin guy called me this morning. He's miraculously recovered from his flu. I think that nagging feeling I've been having is because he's married. He was all set and ready to go out Friday afternoon but as soon as I rescheduled and made it for Friday night he got sick? Then not a word from him all weekend until this morning? Yeah. Somethings up there and I dont think I want to stick around to find out what it is.

Tomorrow night I go out with TATTOO GUY! This internet dating site might never find me the man of my dreams but it sure is getting me out of the house. :D

I'm 2 pounds away from being back where I was before my meltdown. I was down from 237 to 228. Then I fell in that hole and didnt give a shit about anyone or anything and went back up to 234. I lost 4 pounds this week so I'm almost back on track.

scam

It's a 40 minute drive to my interview. I spent 25 of those minutes on the phone with Mr 14 years. This is probably why I cant get completely over him... I talk to him too much. How can I not? We have a son together. But still, I hear his voice and something inside me still breaks.

Anyway. I walk into the building and there are at least 30 people sitting in the waiting room. This is without a doubt the strangest interview situation I have ever seen. It's more like a casting call than a job interview. I have a bad feeling about this. Half an hour later they call my name. I go into an office with this lady. She asks me 3 questions...

1. If I were to ask your friends and family for 3 words that best describe you, what would those words be?


2. What do you think is your best quality?


3. What aspect of your personality do you think needs the most work?

I am completely confused. What does this have to do with network administration? I'm given a 30 page questionnaire and directed to a conference room where I could fill it out. In this room were at least 40 other people with the same questionnaire. None of us know what is going on. All of us are interviewing for the same position at the same time?

Nope! This is a mass interview to sell life insurance! Some guy walks up to the front of the room and starts his "now is the time to change your life" speech. I have to say I bought into it. They were guaranteeing a starting salary of 55k. This could be it I'm thinking. This could be the career change that I'm looking for. No cold calling, guaranteed leads. This could be the new career that I'm wanting more than anything and it's possible because the money is there. I'm feeling good about this! Until I get home and research the company :(



Google American Income Life and the first listing is the company website. Then every other listing beneath it are scam warnings. You know what they say... if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

Oh well. At least there's dinner with HSLG tonight. OR SO I THOUGHT!

We were supposed to meet at 6. He was going to call me when he was on his way. 5:30... he should be close... no phone call. 6:00.... he's gotta be here any minute.... no phone call. 6:15... maybe he's stuck in traffic.... I called but got no answer. 6:30 still no answer. 7:00 after another unanswered phone call I sent him an angry text message telling him to lose my number. 8:30 he answers that text with "I'm sorry baby, I'm home sick" So I take the bait "I'm sorry, are you taking anything?" Just as I expected.. he doesnt answer.

My gut is proving itself to be right.

finally! an interview

I have an interview on Friday morning. They found me. Said they found my resume on careerbuilder and think I'd be a good fit for a position they have opening. It's a little farther away from home than I'd like but I'm not turning it away.

This means I have to push back my date with hot-sexy latin guy. He called yesterday, said after what I said the other day about losing vacation time he took Friday off and wants to have lunch. I told him how the company I worked for filed for bankruptcy and I lost 5 weeks of vacation time. They zero'd out everyones PTO time a week before the layoffs happened. I told him I would never again save time like that because you never know what's going to happen.

He's at work today so I sent him a text asking if we could turn lunch into a dinner because of my interview. He said no problem. Now that I'm thinking about it.... I never talk to him at night. He texts me during the day, calls me on his lunch hour then again on his way home from work but then I dont hear from him again until the next day.

Maybe I'm being paranoid.

Mondays

There are never any new job postings on Mondays. How am I supposed to find a job when these people take weekends off! :)

The internet dating thing is going well. Today I had coffee with HOT-SEXY LATIN GUY. Oh my God that's no exaggeration! I was on the site updating my profile and adding a new picture when he messaged me. We chatted for a while and decided to meet later in the afternoon at Dunkin Donuts. He's a 43 y/o divorced graphic artist, no kids. We sat in DD for over an hour just talking then walked to the park across the street, we sat on the bench and talked some more. We almost never ran out of things to talk about! Then my son called me. I didnt want him asking too many questions so I decided it was time to go.

My kids dont know that I'm dating. I met Mr 14 years when they were still young. They have no memory of me with their father. 14 years is the only man they've ever seen me with. I dont want to be dragging new man after new man in front of them. I figure I'll just keep it quiet and when I find someone who I know will be around for a while I will introduce them.

I was driving home from the park and HSLG called. Said he had a wonderful afternoon and couldnt wait to see me again. I dont know. Something isnt sitting right, I have a weird nagging feeling about this one. I'm not sure what it is yet.

who pays?

The other day I mentioned that I'd gone out with internet guy twice. We went out again tonight and from now on he shall be forever known as HOTDOG GUY. I will explain :)



It was a nice night so we went out for a drive. We stopped at this hot dog place for munchies. He ordered 2 cheese dogs and fries. I ordered one plain dog. Then I said "do you want me to pay? You paid last time we ate". Now this was a test. Mr 14 years wouldnt ever let me pay for anything. If he and I were going somewhere and I needed gas in my car he paid for it. I never asked him to, he just did. This is how I was raised to believe men behaved. So when I offered to pay and internet guy stepped away and said OK I was floored. I wanted to smack him in the back of the head and remind him that he was supposed to say no! He failed the test. There's no coming back from that! Especially since he knows that I have no job and very limited income.

I mentioned this to a male friend of mine after I'd gotten home. He told me that I was being too hard on the guy. "Maybe he said yes because he didnt want to hurt your feelings". So I called my friend Denise and asked her opinion. Both she and her husband agree with me. He should have said no.

Like I said, there's no coming back from that.

octomom

Can I ask what this countrys obsession with this woman is? I'm sorry but I'm sick of hearing about her. This woman is on the news every single day. If it's not her it's her mom, or her dad or her neighbor or the lady who did her taxes 10 years ago. I dont care about her! Yes, my heart breaks for those babies. There is no question she is a nutjob, she absolutely cant take care of all of those babies alone, yes her house is too small, yes the doctor should have his license taken away. She is eating up all this attention. Stop feeding her!

Last nights mega millions was 212 million dollars. There was one winning ticket... 10 people on that one ticket. I spent a few bucks on some tickets too. I would have been happy to share that 212 million with 100 other people. I dont want a lot. Just a million or 2 in the bank after taxes and I'm happy as a pig in shit. You know what I'd do if I won all that money? First I'd give a bunch to the church. I'd create trust funds for my kids so they could go to college, buy a house, get married... whatever they wanted to do. But they cant have the money unless they're working or in school. I dont care what jobs they have as long as they have one. I'm not going to let my boys be lazy. I'd buy my mom a new house (hers is falling down around her). Then I would buy a small apartment building. I have this fantasy where I own a building and single mothers live in it. Single moms and their kids. I would provide them a place to live for free while they went to college. One of the apartments would be turned into a daycare center so they could study without worrying about who was watching their kids. They would have to get part time jobs to buy their own food and stuff. But their rent, utilities and child care expenses would be free. I wish I had a chance like that when my husband first left us. If I won millions of dollars THAT is what I would do.

I gained 4 pounds last week. I lost one of them so far. Tonight we had pancakes for dinner. One pancake is only 1 point! It was a good dinner :)